“Everything’s Gone To Hell”, pt. 1: From the Journals of Albrecht Fiddlestein

Day 187 of exile in this shithole:

EVERYTHING WANTS A PIECE OF MEE!!! Not in the “oh Albrecht, you’re soo a hand-some, please  plow me vigorously” kind of way but in the “oh Albrecht, you’re so tasty, let us drag you into our cold black den and devour you” kind of way! I’m not sure what I have gotten myself into, but if I live I am going to give that hag at the Bathory & Cage a piece of my not in-considerable mind!

Where do I even begin, mm? Yes…hm…perhaps it is best started at the beginning?

I went, like I doo, to the Bathory & Cage to spend a few quality hours (or days) at the pipe. Mm…mmmm…the quality of their opium is quite sublime and it is the only establishment that allows me to have a tab anymore (honestly, a FEW missed payments and the locals send out the bully boys with the pitch forks).

Instead, I was literally pressed-gang into a consult with some shady look men.Two of the men, dressed black like plague doctors, had the stink of some baddd magic about them. The other man seemed young but withered, like a husk. I’ve honestly seen corpses more buggerable than this man (who screamed at length that I was a devil…how RUDE!).

After introductions (Ashtok and Jura were the skives, Urnst was the one that looked like someone skinned and tanned a man then wore the skin like a meat suit) I learned they needed MY help. MINE! I was so tickled I didn’t even hear what they needed my help with the first time! Apparently their withered friend had been made so through mag-ical means and they sought a remedy.

Money (and a few meaningful glances from Bathory & Cage’s bouncer) convinced me to take the case. This may very well have been the biggest mistake of my entire life, even bigger than having a tumble with Lord Abletongue’s second daughter during The Big Spring Day Bash, for nearly as soon as I said yes they were after ME! Or us…I’m not sure! But there were MEN – seedy, violent looking men that looked to our table with vile intent. 

We escaped the opium den out the back, losing our pursuers in the crush of people in this piss pot of a city. I asked myself, as I have repeatedly since arriving here, how they can call it a city when they don’t even have a single smokestack? Not one alchemical facility draining its refuse into the river or sea? WHAT IS THIS PLACE I HAVE BEEN BANISHED TO!?

Ahem…I digress…where was I? AH! The strange little girl, yes, yes. We had fled out the back and I, being a natural born leader mmhm, lead the way back to the scrap heap I call home. It was then I noticed this strannnge little girl with different colored eyes. I then felt a strrannnge pull to go into this ramshackle store…

Ooo, I’m glad I did! It was an herbalist shop – heaven! The smells and tastes in the air were more intoxicating than the purest opium. I immediately took to examining the herbs and discussing the matter of the thin man.

My…associates…didn’t take to my scientific interests. Can you believe it!? Hrmph. They decided on a more direct approach, conjuring some horror from the beyond – the demon (a real one this time!) used some of its black sorcery on the elderly shop keep, revealing a hag! I was terrified! 

Fortunately, the hag had some useful things to say about a solution to our friends dilemma!  Supplied, full to the brim with purpose, we departed for house…

 

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Author: John Drury

Hi, my name is John and I REALLY like my blog...

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